1. The Physical and Emotional Toll of Motherhood
Pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum recovery put incredible demands on a woman’s body. Hormonal changes, lack of sleep, physical pain, and breastfeeding struggles all contribute to a sense of physical disconnection. Often, society expects women to “bounce back” quickly after birth, adding even more pressure to an already exhausting process.
Emotionally, the shift to becoming a mum can be equally challenging. The sudden focus on caring for another human being leaves little time for your own thoughts let alone any personal care. Many women report feeling as though they’ve lost themselves in motherhood, struggling to recognise who they are outside of being a mum. This sense of disconnection can lead to emotional exhaustion, stress, and even depression if left unaddressed.
2. The Loss of Community Support
Historically, motherhood was not carried out alone. Women were supported by strong communities, whether it was through extended family members, friends, or even societal structures designed to help new mothers. However, in today’s fast-paced world, many women find themselves isolated after giving birth.
Whether it’s due to the nuclear family structure, geographical distance from loved ones, or the pressure to “do it all” alone, new mums often lack the support they need. This disconnection from a wider community can leave them feeling alone in their struggles, with no one to turn to for advice or emotional support.
In some cultures, postpartum support systems remain intact, with family and community playing an active role in caring for both the mum and baby. However, in many Western societies, the cultural expectation is that mums should be independent and “get back to normal” as soon as possible, often without the emotional or physical support they truly need.
3. Is This a Cultural Issue?
The disconnection many women feel after becoming mums is not just a personal struggle, it’s part of a broader cultural issue. In many Western societies, motherhood is romanticised, a vision of unrealistic perfection is often portrayed which can lead to feelings of inadequacy from the start. The pressures to return to work, maintain a social life, and keep a household running, all while caring for a newborn, create an unsustainable model of motherhood.
Contrast this with cultures where motherhood is seen as a communal responsibility. In certain African, Asian, and Indigenous cultures, for example, the postpartum period is recognised as a time when women need rest and recovery, often for 40 days or more. During this time, family and community members take over daily tasks, allowing the mother to heal and bond with her baby. This cultural approach acknowledges the importance of both physical and emotional recovery and reinforces the idea that motherhood should not be an isolating experience.
In contrast, modern Western culture often glorifies independence and self-reliance, leaving new mums to navigate this enormous life shift largely on their own. This creates a culture where it’s hard to admit when help is needed, or when a mum feels disconnected from herself.
4. Reclaiming Connection: How Can We Fix This?
It’s clear that our cultural approach to motherhood needs to shift if we want to reduce the sense of disconnection so many women feel. Building strong support systems, both at a personal and societal level, is essential.
Creating Communities: Whether it’s joining a local mum’s group, participating in online forums, or even starting small with coffee meetups with other mums, finding or building a community is key. Knowing other women are experiencing the same challenges can make a huge difference in how supported a mum feels.
Normalising Asking for Help: One of the most powerful cultural shifts that could take place is the normalisation of asking for help. Whether it’s seeking guidance from a nutritionist or coach, getting support with housework, or reaching out for emotional help, mums should know that they don’t need to do it all alone.
Education and Awareness: Society as a whole can benefit from being educated about the realities of motherhood. By shifting away from the idealised image of the “super mum” and instead embracing the need for recovery, self-care, and support, we can create a healthier environment for both mums and their families.
Motherhood is a beautiful, transformative experience, but it should not come at the cost of a woman’s health, identity, or wellbeing. By acknowledging the cultural factors at play and working to rebuild the community support that has been lost, we can help new mums feel connected to themselves, their families, and their communities again.
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